Are you there Chelsea?

It's me, Kristin.  
You know, your number one fan.  In fact, I adore you so much and think you are so clever and hysterical that I actually want to be you.  Seriously, who doesn't want to sit at a desk with their three best friends and rip on stupid people who do stupid things?  And get a Belvedere vodka sponsorship to do it.  Daa- that's my kinda gig.  
BUT...we need to address what happened last night.  Let's just say that little show you created on that very large network...you know, the NBC project?  Ummm, it's not working out so well.
Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. 
I am so sorry to tell you but the new show sucks.  Simply- it's totally, terribly, off the charts awful.   It sucks so big and bad I feel like an asshole just talking about it.  
But here's the deal- your comedic tone can only be delivered in it's ballsy, brazen manner on a cable network like E!.  A mainstream network is not going to understand your humor, your outrageous stories and outlandish behavior let alone allow you to stick around.  I'm afraid it's going to be canceled after a few measly episodes.  It was... that bad.  
I'm sorry, Chels, but when we hear the name Chelsea Handler we expect the real deal, the "in the flesh" Chelsea Handler.  Not some cut rate stand-in from That 70's Show that reads her lines like a blond robot.  It was painful.  And the most disappointing part of the whole deal was seeing you with brown hair portraying your straight laced, boring sister!  It was a total tease, not to mention downright confusing. The show was so slow, so boring, and so un-Chelsea like that it was a complete catastrophe.  
Pleeezzzz, I beg you- and I still love you and want to meet you in person and aspire to actually have a show like yours where I can actually get paid to sound like I feel...
please don't quit your night job.