September 12th- The Day After

Stronger. Yes.
Safer.  I'm not sure.
It somehow felt strange or inappropriate to write on September 11th, like I didn't have the right to do so; it felt selfish to do so.  
So I didn't.  
But I thought about it a lot.  
What I would write.  
I decided I would write the day after.
Just like you, I remember where we were.
So clearly, like it really was yesterday.
How I woke up to my sister's phone call at 6:30 am.  
How we sat in our tiny living room all day with our one month old baby boy glued to our television watching the terrifying scene unfold.  
How I wouldn't let Mr. C cross the Golden Gate Bridge to go into the city for work.  
How we sat on our deck for a brief bit of fresh air and watched the very last plane in the sky fly overhead towards San Francisco.
How Mr. C walked down to the ATM and took out every penny we had in the bank.  
It wasn't much, but we had cash.  
What if the bridge was bombed and we were cut off from the city?
What if there were food rations?
Gas rations?
We had no idea.
What about my co-workers who were all in Manhattan for an annual trade show that I was supposed to be at were it not for my maternity leave?
So many questions.
So many raw, very real, frightening new realities.
I'm glad we didn't have camera phones ten years ago.
I wondered too much about what went on with those poor souls that were trapped in the fire.
I still wonder.
I can't fathom that choosing to jump from one of the world's tallest buildings was a better option.
Actually, I can...
We got on a plane a month later with our baby boy.
And our ID's and strange, new security regulations.
Mr. C placed a roll of duct tape against one leg, and a squeeze bottle of Kiehl's astringent against the other- to squirt a hijacker in the eyes and wrap his hands and feet with the tape if necessary.
This was not a joke.  
We looked at everyone twice on the airplane and I was nervous.
I kept leaving the beach to go up to our room and check the news- to see if anything else horrific had happened.
Soon after we went to war.
Twice.
That day changed the world.
Forever.
It will always be the day after.
The year after.
Ten years after.
Forever after.
We won't forget and I know we are stronger.
And hopefully safer.